Never growing up

Crybaby

So I just finished watching a movie, it wasn't horribly emotional, but I was crying. I love watching movies and hearing stories and I can get so caught up in them. I'm really too emotional sometimes though, I can't help it. I feel really embarrassed when I cry in front of people, because usually I feel like its not something I should be crying about. Over the years I've become more ok with crying in front of people, certain people that is. Danielle and Violet understand and allow me to cry, I feel comfortable with them. Awhile ago I was talking to Robert about a situation with my sisters that was really upsetting me, and I don't know why. I consider him to be my friend, I've known him since 2nd grade, but we aren't the closest of friends. We've shared sensitive information before, mostly from him. He's even cried in front of me before which I totally wasn't expecting at the time. He had been drinking though which probably uninhibited him a bit. Well anyway while divulging my sick family drama, I began to tear up and before I knew it I was red in the face with puffy eyes speaking slowly as to coordinate my words with sobbing. He just sat there listening, interjecting once or twice to comfort me. Afterwards I felt really good, mostly because he didn't make me feel awkward about it.

What I hate is the reaction that you see from some people that shows how uncomfortable they are with your crying. One person inparticular is my dad. He can make me feel so small and childish. I know for him crying is a weakness, a fault. He looks disappointed when I cry, but he also looks like he wants to make me feel better. The thing he doesn't get is that you don't always have to be in pain and discomfort when your crying. Well at least I don't think I do. When I'm really angry I cry, or when I talk about stressful life situations dealing with my future or family. Talking about certain things will induce crying for me, but I feel good while I'm crying; like I'm cleansing myself of all that stress that was in me.

What I strangely admire in people is that they are able to expose themselves to others in the form of crying. A friend of mine burst into tears while we were out and didn't hide from it, and I realized that was something I couldn't do. I understand sometimes crying in public is probably strange, even rude because of the awkward situation it could cause. I'm all for manners, but sometimes its just what has to be done. There was only three of us anyway and it wasn't formal. I admired that confidence and openness.

So yeah I am a crybaby, but I'm trying to make it in the best way possible.

posted by Kathy =) @ 2:40 AM