Never growing up

I'm baaack.....

Ok so I guess I'm addicted, it was only yesterday I wrote my first post and here I am again. I guess I like the idea of putting my thoughts out there where someone could possibly see them, even if I don't ever get any visitors on my blog. Part of the reason I am writing on here is because I have lots of time on my hands. I'm not really an online person, but currently I am............ UNEMPLOYED!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!

I graduated from college in June and now its five whole months later and I don't have a job. To be honest I haven't really been looking that much, or at all recently. I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life and Im not extremely motivated to go in any one direction. While doing job searches I notice myself looking into the medical or educational fields because I feel its something that I could quite possibly do and do well. And as much of an introvert as I may seem sometimes I really like being around people and being social. The jobs I have been looking into/applying/interviewing for have all been involving teaching or tutoring. So I've decided I can't stand still and I have to do something, so I am trying to get into a credential program at cal state university san bernardino next term but will probably have to wait because I have pre-req's to fill first. I am excited and scared about the possibility of teaching. For awhile teaching wasn't really an option for me at all, because my mom's a teacher it somehow gave teaching metaphorical leprosy. I did not want to be near the idea at all. And I know my dad thinks that my mom is pushing me toward teaching, or that I am looking into it with hesitation. Really I think that a lot of people think that I am choosing to go into teaching because I have limited options or that its an easy decision, but I really don't see it that way. It's really a very difficult decision to make for me to make.

So that's where I am in my career goals I guess, I mean im young still, im only 21!! I have time to explore other options. Right now I just absolutely hate people asking me "So what are you doing now?" Such an innocent question that any stranger you meet would probably ask, but ohh I cringe inside to answer such a question with calm politeness. I just want to scream out loud "I don't know!!! I just don't know. Stop asking, it's not helping" Then I would burst into tears out of frustration. lol

When I told someone that I was unsure what I wanted to do they promptly asked me "Well what do you like to do?"!!!! As if I had never asked myself that same question, huh? what do I like.... crazy question. I know that the question was coming from a well intentioned place but because of my mood after graduation and because of the source I took it badly. What I hate most of all are those passing comments about not having a job or making my own money, they usually go as follows: "Well some of us have to go to work in the morning" meaning that I am now a social reject, I am a bum. Those comments hurt so much because they are true!! I AM, I know that and it kills me to feel worthless, but its also difficult for me to make those steps that might decide the rest of my future. I don't want to go places that I wont be able to come back from. I want to start off in the right place. Unfortunately sometimes there isn't a right place, so I am here on the edge of sitting idly and doing something. I'll try to make the transition soon so don't worry mom and dad!!

posted by Kathy =) @ 11:07 PM